As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
