if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
