he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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