found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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