Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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