Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is wine microwaveable?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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