she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
