I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Of course I have a pirate flag
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
