i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
