She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
