My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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