I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
