It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
