This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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