Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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