if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
