I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
