he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
