Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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