Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
