On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
