I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize