Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
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I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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