These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
