I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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