I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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