every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He kissed a someone with a penis
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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