i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
