I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
