i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
