There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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