it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
As shirtless as possible
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
