if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
