school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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