I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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