True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
