i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
