this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
