soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
