so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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