You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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