K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
