it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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