meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
