Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
