how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
