You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
