she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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