He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
