Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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