I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
