i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
