Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
