never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
