she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
