RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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