Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
