Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
