Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
