also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
