so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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