I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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