Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
