no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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