the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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