New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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